The truth hurts
by Oscarfudgie
Summary: A flashback story from when Shannon and Boone are younger and the way Boone's feelings for Shannon affect their lives and relationship.


This is my little attempt at a Shannon/Boone fan fiction. It's just a little part of their lives and what I think it may have been like for them and how they turned out the way they did.

Please read and review so I can learn!

"Please just don't say anything."

"I can tell you I love you if I want to, it's not like I'm lying."

Shannon was close to tears, she was sixteen and gorgeous and her step brother Boone was in love with her, that was bad enough but the fact he had no problem telling her made it worse.

"It's wrong okay? I love you too but just like sisters love brothers."

The look of hurt that crossed his face made her pity him but also hate him for making her feeling guilty, uncomfortable and abnormal all at once. She didn't see what he expected her to say or do, she had always been a show off but she had never deliberately flirted with him or shown him any unusual attention. In fact she tried to ignore him when he first became part of the family but it seemed that more she tried to drive him away the faster he came back.

"Look just pretend we're normal please, it isn't fair."

She never had to beg for anything in her life and she resented having to start now.

"You think I want to feel like this? You're the only thing that turns me on -"

She felt her insides squirm, it was disgusting to think of her own brother jerking off with her in his mind.

"-No I only turn you on because I'm the only girl you can't have."

Thankfully he didn't say anything in public, most people thought he was gay anyway after he blew off the ample attention he received from the female students. Plus he did tend to dress like a pretty boy but he never bothered to deny the rumours, loving her seemed to give him some inner strength because she didn't think she could handle the accusations. Then again popularity was never something Boone lacked even then, and she despised the fact he didn't care either way. All he cared about was her.

She wished her step-mother had never been able to have kids, Boone wouldn't be around and she wouldn't feel guilty all the time even though she had done nothing wrong. If she spent too much time with Boone she felt guilty, if she dated some moron footballer she felt guilty for hurting him, it drove her insane. She wished she didn't love him and then it would have been easy to have a carefree adolescence but she did and she tried her best not to hurt him.

Sometimes she even wished she returned his affections so she wouldn't have to reject him over and over one way or another but she still knew she'd feel ashamed, she was the type of girl that didn't breath without judging something or someone so it killed her that she never stopped judging herself.

"Look even if you do somehow want me, can you keep it to yourself? The last thing I need is Jeremy getting the idea I'm sleeping with my brother."

"Don't mention that asshole's name to me."

"He's my boyfriend Boone what do you expect?"

"I expect you have better taste."

"Fuck you."

She threw a magazine at him half heartedly, she was too tired to argue, she was always fighting these days.

"I just mean he's not right for you."

"And who is? You?"

Boone looked down clearly wanting to agree but knowing she'd give him that repulsed look he couldn't bare to see.

"Just be careful."

"It's a bit late to give me the overprotective big brother routine!"

"Well that's all I have to offer you right Shannon?"

Shannon smiled, this was the part where he realised it was useless being truthful and that it was better for everyone that he denied anything had happened.

"Exactly and if you want to bitch about my boyfriends that's your right as my _brother."_

Boone just nodded weakly.

There was that guilt again, she wanted to slap him and tell him to cheer up for both their sakes but she didn't. She just flipped through another magazine coolly.

"Are you going to dump him then?"

It was more of a plea than a question.

"No"

"But-"

"Look Boone you can say whatever you like and I will try to respect and accept your opinions but it doesn't mean I'll take them to heart, it's my life after all."

She gave him a tight smile and he simply walked away.

She could feel tears forming again.

She couldn't live like this anymore, she had to get away.

She left the mansion and went to her friend Becky's house, she thought about running away but doing a line of coke while watching _friends _seemed a more realistic option.

She snorted it without hesitation as Becky looked on worriedly.

"You okay?"

"Nothing some nose candy can't fix."

By the time she returned home she could barely walk straight or function with the combination of alcohol and drugs taking over her body. She had been crying all the way in the car home, unconsciously sobbing and bawling at the thought or image of her brother.

Boone greeted her at the door having heard her screeching down the driveway. Their parents were away as usual so there no chance she was going to get busted by anyone but him, the last person she wanted to see.

"Good god Shan what the hell have you been doing?"

"Don't you mean _who_ the hell?

She knew she was lying and somewhere deep down she felt bad but at the moment she was just angry.

Boone's jaw tightened at her words.

"You're not a bitch Shannon and you're not a slut so stop acting like it okay?"

Even then after everything he still held her up on a pedestal, she wondered if it would ever change.

"Why? Maybe I am! This is what you've made me big brother are you happy? I am finally as fucked up as you are."

Boone helped her to the downstairs bedroom aware of the fact he'd never get her up the stairs to her own.

"Don't be unfair Shannon, you're drunk and god knows what else so just pass out already and give us both some peace."

"You think just because you're clean as a whistle and a perfect student that you're the good child don't you? Mommy and Daddy love you to pieces because you're their knight in shining armour but I don't want you to be mine anymore! You're a mess like me but you keep up appearances as always and I always hear how different we are but we're the same, the only difference is I am the way I am _because_ of you. If you had just kept your mouth shut everything would be fine."

Her rambling and slurring was hard to understand but from the fierce look in her eyes he got her full meaning.

"Shannon if I could change anything I could, do you think I wanted to see you drooling and crying because of me? I love you and I want to see you happy but don't you dare think I don't feel any shame and you're not helping anything. Someday. hopefully soon I'll learn to live with this, I'll forget or it'll numb or something and we'll be okay Shan trust me."

It was then something in her changed, she didn't want to be nice anymore, surely if she hurt him enough he'd be bitter back. On the outside they would be overly nasty rival siblings but on the inside she was just trying to have a sense of normality - it might not be fun but it would be as normal as she could understand normal was and that was enough.

The next day when she woke up Boone was sitting by the bed watching her anxiously.

"Christ Boone could you get anymore creepy?"

"You want something to drink? You'll be pretty dehydrated judging from the puke stains all down your Gucci dress."

She looked at herself and swore under her breath. She hated when he acted all smug and superior although she remembered that was eighty percent of the time.

"I'm going to have a shower and then I'm leaving."

"Where you going?"

"It's none of your business."

"Well it is if your dad calls and asks where his daughter is"

Shannon rolled her eyes.

"Make something up, you're good at being two faced"

"Wow you really got out the wrong side of the bed today huh?"

"You want to piss off and go grope some cheerleader or something?"

Boone was clearly struggling with the new more spiteful Shannon and whether to retaliate or roll over. It was the start of a series of dilemmas for Boone when the drinking got worse, the nastiness only increased and the bubbly, sweet Shannon he fell in love with disappeared.

It was difficult because the worse she got the more he realised she needed him and that he needed to save her but it was heartbreaking to try and reach out to someone who was too disgusted with you to even look at you anymore.

Boone became a reluctant observer in Shannon's life and being so helpless and easily manipulated by Shannon began to wear at his manners.

The familiar screech of tyres pulled up the drive again.

Shannon clumsily unlocked the door and fell into the hallway with her latest jock boyfriend the only thing stopping her from smacking face first into the marble floor.

Boone came down stairs under no allusions, he knew Shannon would be a foul mouthed mess and even though it broke his heart he began to toughen up each time it happened. He didn't deserve to be treated like a piece of shit she discovered on the bottom of one of her stilettos, he was trying to be nice and like the brother he knew she wanted.

This time she arrived home with her latest jock boyfriend who was chuckling drunkenly and staring down her cleavage. Boone wanted to beat the crap out of him right then and there, he didn't deserve Shannon, scum like him couldn't help someone as lost as Shannon, only he could because he understood her better than anyone else ever would, he doubted however that was something to treasure. The only clarity he could find was in knowing he truly loved her because he knew her good side and her dark side and loved her all the same, so much so that everything she did or say hurt. He ached for her love, for her respect and mostly for her understanding but he knew it would probably never come.

Shannon looked up at him smiling.

"Hi big brother mind if I have a guest over to stay tonight?"

At this encouragement the jock grabbed her ass enthusiastically.

Boone just stared daggers at the guy.

"Whatever just remember to refill all your mum's alcohol once your done."

Her smiled dropped.

"Are you patronising me?"

Boone rolled his eyes.

"Your methods of deduction astound me."

"Fuck you, just because you're not getting any doesn't mean I shouldn't."

"When aren't you?"

She staggered forward and put her hands on her hips.

"This place feels more and more like a church every time I come back to it. You should really either come out of the closet or getting some counselling."

The jock looked anxiously between both siblings, aware of the unusual tension and somehow sensed there was more to them then meets the eye, the way they looked at each other, something made him want to be more invinsible than he already felt.

"Hey baby maybe I should go."

"No Darren-"

"It's Daniel."

"Whatever just stay, saint Boone can turn his George Michael music up and we'll have some fun."

He nodded, not stupid enough to refuse her.

Boone wandered back up the stairs in silence and for a second Shannon still wondered if he held her on his pedestal or if she lost his belief in her months before. She wasn't sure whether she was pleased with the assumption or not.

No matter what she said or did he would always be her brother and she would always love him in her way. She just hoped he knew that because she sure as hell wasn't going to mention it.

No family was perfect, the norm was to be dysfunctional but the important thing was that no matter what happened they would always be family and she knew years down the line if she ever needed him he'd be there.

Careful, dependable Boone.


End file.
